Up Your Ally
by shegal92
Summary: Requested by Boris Yeltsin. Drakken gets annoyed with Shego's bowling skills after being defeated by her several times.


Disclaimer: Nothing in this story is owned by me. Not even the idea. You'll only get $4.12 in pennies if you sue me. Not even joking.

Friday night. No schemes in his head. The TV was getting old. Nothing really to do. It was official; Drakken was bored.

"Shego?" He called, wondering if she was even still there. Boring Friday nights never seemed to be a problem for her.

"Whatcha want?" Shego called from the other room, half irritated and half preoccupied.

"You wanna do something with me tonight?"

Very distinct footsteps came into the living room, accompanied by balled hands engulfed in green fire.

"Are you hitting on me?"

"No, no, no! I'm just bored and not sure what to do," The fire disappeared.

"Good," she smirked, amused by her boss's hopelessness. He was like the kid on the playground who no one wanted to play with, who swung on the swing set alone at recess. She felt for him, "Well, I was just about to go bowling…"

"I've never bowled before," he admitted, standing up.

"Oh it's easy, even for someone like you."

&&&

The bowling alley was dark and smelled vaguely of old wood and used shoes. There were a few video games, vending machines, a pool table, and air hockey off to the side. An elder balding man with the belly of a neutered cat sat behind the counter, looking through an old cars magazine. He glared as they approached, as if he _didn't_ want their business.

"Two games, no bumpers, 7 in women's and a…" She looked expectantly at Drakken. He looked back, "Shoe size?"

"Why?" She rolled her eyes.

"So the government can track you. What is it?"

"5," she raised an eyebrow the same time as the man did. Drakken jutted his chin up, "_Almost_ a 5 and a half."

Shego paid and the man gave them two pairs of shoes. Shego's looked like someone had taken bits and pieces of fabric and glued them together. His looked like a clown's with color coordination problems. He followed Shego's lead and put the ugly, flat-soled thick-laced shoes on, leaving their regular shoes underneath a table while they went down a few steps.

"You've played before?" He asked.

"Yeah, all the time," Then, in a more bitter tone, "My brothers put me on a league to help with my anger management problems."

"How does rolling a ball help with anger issues?" Shego laughed.

"You'll see."

They picked a table near their lane to sit at. Lane 26 was the farthest one, at the end. Besides a couple hot shots, a birthday party, and a family reunion, it was a quiet night. Shego was getting her weapon of choice at a rack. Drakken trotted up to her. Her arm looked about to pop out of its socket as she took an onyx ball off. Drakken grabbed one that had been beside it and immediately dropped it on his foot. He shrieked, grabbing his injured foot and keeping his balance with the other. Shego smirked, grabbing his dropped ball.

"The numbers _do_ mean something, you know," she pointed at the number above the finger holes. She set it back on the rack, "Try an 8 or a 10 instead of a 15."

Drakken scanned the rack and chose a neon orange 8 ball. He carried it over to the machine-rack thingy. She stood up from a computer.

"I'm bowling first," she said, grabbing her ball, "Watch and learn."

A light went on in their lane, illuminating the nine ivory pins. Shego studied them, totally focused. She held the ball towards it, her left hand underneath to support the ball. Suddenly, she jogged up, ending with a skip. Her arm went 180 degrees and Drakken flinched, ready to have the ball come flying at him. But her arm pendelumed back, her right leg crossing neatly behind her left. With a flick of her wrist, she released the ball. She went back to her normal posture and watched it fly down the waxed alley. Drakken shrank back as the ball smashed into the pins, sending them flying.

Shego walked triumphantly back to the table, an animation of a bull charging towards the pins and knocking them down playing on a hanging monitor. "STRIKE!" It declared in large red letters.

"Ring the bell, 'cause school is IN!" She cheered, sitting down. Drakken fidgeted with his ponytail nervously, "Your turn."

"I thought it was two."

"If it takes two, but I got a strike, so now you go."

"A bit hard to follow up," he muttered. Easy even for him? Yeah right.

He stood up and got his ball. He glanced at the monitor and saw the "x" on the line of a player named "ShakeNBake". The line under it had arrows pointing towards "Mommasboy".

"Shego, change it," he commanded.

"Can't change it once it's in the computer," she said matter-of-factly. He squinted at the screen.

"What is that "ShakeNBake" all about?" Shego gave him a baffled expression.

"You know, _shake_ and _bake_? Shake and bake," Drakken stared blankly at her. She shook her hand and then acted like she was pulling something out of an oven. He arched half an eyebrow. She sighed, "Never mind; you would've gotten it by now if you were going to."

Drakken grabbed his ball and focused his attention on the pins. He got his fingers into the holes and held it with both hands underneath. He jogged up and skipped. The skip threw him off balance and as a last effort, he threw his arm back. However, his tiny fingers slipped right out and the ball went hurtling back. Drakken fell face first on the ground.

"Hey!" Shego shouted in protest as she caught his ball. Drakken, who was ready for the floor to swallow him, slowly got back up.

"What'd I do wrong?" He surrendered. Shego laughed.

"You tried to follow my example," she tossed the ball back to him. He stumbled back a few steps from its force as he caught it, "Bowl your own way."

Drakken waddled up to the alley. This time, he was using both arms. He spread his legs and hung the ball between them, grasping both sides. Shego ran up to him.

"Never mind, I lied! I didn't know your way was granny bowling!"

"Granny bowling?"

"Quickest way to lose your dignity," she put her hands on his and guided him up back to the one arm posture most bowlers used, "Try that."

He went back up to the mouth of the alley, staring down its ugly, waxed floorboard tongue. He gently swung backwards and then softly let go, sending the ball rolling towards the pins. Then the lane cheeked it.

"Hey, that's all right. Everyone sucks at first," she assured him.

"You said this was going to be easy," he whined. Shego shrugged.

"I'm a villain, which automatically makes anything I say questionable."

Drakken watched in pain as Shego effortlessly got nearly all strikes and spares. He didn't knock down a single pin.

"Guess we'll put the bumpers up," she said regretfully, as though doing that would show a sign of weakness.

She went up to the desk and talked to the guy while Drakken went to go get some nachos and soda. "Bumpers on Lane 26," he heard over the intercom. He came back and noticed that something had been put in the way of the gutters.

"It's your turn," she informed him. Drakken got his ball with confidence. No fear of gutter balls this time.

He threw his ball down the lane. It bounced off the bumper and looked like it was going to hit the last pin on the corner. But it went between the very small gap of the pin and the bumper. Drakken frowned.

"Congratulations, Dr. D. It takes real skill to get a gutter with the bumpers on."

They went home that night; Shego 2, Drakken 0. He swore vengeance would be his.

&&&

Drakken came into the kitchen. Shego didn't even glance up from the newspaper.

"Rematch!" Shego sighed and graced him with a glance.

"It's been a week now. Every night we've gone to the bowling alley, and every night I've kicked your butt. Every night, you haven't even gotten a pin down, with the bumpers up. Which is impossible, by the way."

"Tonight is my night; I can feel it!"

"You've said that every night, too," Shego muttered as she turned back to the paper.

She heard something hit the floor and looked over. Drakken was on his knees, giving her the puppy dog pout. Years of younger brothers had given her an immunity to such a persuasive technique, but seeing a grown man on his knees was a weakness of hers. She smiled down at him and patted his head.

"One more time," she agreed. Drakken grinned.

"Mind if I call up a few friends to watch your imminent demise?"

"Whatever floats your delusional boat, Dr. D."

Drakken had called in his closest evil allies to observe the match; Duff Killigan, Monkey Fist, Motor Ed and surprisingly enough, Frugal Lucre. She suspected he was here primarily for emotional support, though, seeing the giant #1 foam finger on his hand. She put in the player names; ShakeNBake and Mommasboy.

"Shake and bake, dude, shake AND BAKE!" Motor Ed cheered, high fiving her. Duff Killigan, Monkey Fist, and Frugal Lucre nodded their approval. Drakken looked at them.

"You understand that?"

"You _don't_?" Frugal Lucre said incredulously. Stupid pop culture, Drakken cursed.

Shego bowed to him mockingly.

"Ladies first," she purred. He stuck his chin up in the air.

"If you insist," he strut towards the ball return, retrieving his 8-pounder. He grabbed it and approached the lane.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, and he swore he heard "Chariots of Fire" play in the background. His arm went back and the ball gracefully fell from it, rolling straight down the lane. His eyes widened as it reached the end and he gave a whoop of joy as the sound of his ball making contact. He beat the air with his fist and jumped up in the air, his legs folding up behind him. After being suspended in midair for a moment, he somehow landed without falling and began doing a victory dance which consisted of a lasso, roping in a horse and riding it with encouraging slaps on the behind. He then proceeded to run, in slow motion of course, around the bowling alley high-fiving anyone who would.

Meanwhile, his group stared at him, not sensing the slow motion and "Chariots of Fire" he did.

"He does realize he only knocked over one pin, doesn't he?" Monkey Fist asked. Shego smiled at Drakken indulgently.

"It's his first pin," she bragged.

&&&

Drakken drummed his fingers on the desk. Beaten, again, and in front of his friends! Shego. Needed. To. Go. Down. But how?

Hunger distracted him, so he decided to go down to the kitchen. Decorating the fridge were several sets of magnetic alphabets of different colors. He growled as he saw that his inspirational message of "You can do it, Drew!" had an extra "t" after the "can". He pushed the "t" away and watched as in the blink of an eye, it sped to the metal of the fridge handle. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, thinking about what he had just witnessed. A large smile spread across his face as he began to chuckle evilly, the chuckle growing to an evil laugh that echoed throughout the lair.

There was an exasperated sigh from the next room.

"For the last time, Dr. D, you can't "steal" a snack. This is your lair; therefore you already own all of the snacks you could possibly have in there."

Drakken stayed up the whole night, his desk littered with doodles, crumpled up paper and crossed out diagrams. Finally, at 4 a.m., he had it! His chuckle built up into a laugh that echoed-

Stomp, stomp, stomp. The door blasted open.

"Drakken, if you're going to create a plan at an ungodly hour in the morning, do so _quietly_!" She yelled.

The next bowling outing, Drakken went ahead of time, setting one magnet inside of the ball Shego favored and one in the gutter at the end. Shego came a little later, unsuspicious and taking the ball without questioning. Drakken could barely contain his excitement as Shego went up to bowl. ShakeNBake wasn't going to get the best of Mommasboy tonight. She glanced at him as though he lost his mind, and then went through her routine.

It made a beeline for the corner of the gutter…but once it got close, it propelled sideways, knocking all of the pins out. Shego and Drakken both stared at the incredible strike, ignoring the animation above them.

Shego turned to Drakken.

"…Did you do something?"

"Noooo," he lied about as believingly as a three year old caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Shego sighed.

"Drakken, if you ignore physics, they don't go away. What's the number one rule for magnets?"

"…Don't put them on a computer screen?"

"Opposite poles attract, while like repel."

Drakken not only had to endure his own lack of pin knocking, but watched helplessly as Shego bowled a flawless game and was inducted into the alley's hall of fame. That's what happened when you went with a plan born from desperation and sleep deprivation; it blew up in your face.

The real kick to his stomach was the fact that one of his "friends" had leaked out his defeat. In a matter of days, the entire villain community knew about his humiliating defeat to his hench girl and wanted to see it for themselves. They were demanding a public match. Drakken had no choice but to agree if he didn't want to appear to be the coward and un-alpha male he was. The date was set for three days later, Drakken spending every spare minute he could practicing. Nothing helped; not the set of pins he bought or the ball, not the kid's training video or the couple of hours he spent watching (or as they called it "staring") the teams of bowlers in the league. The instructor he hired for more than all of his lackies' paychecks put together called him "a hopeless wreck" and advised he "stop before you hurt yourself".

Needless to say, he wasn't looking forward to that night. Shego had thankfully not made a big deal of the competition, not bothering to practice or even mention it. She only stated that she was considering all of this "over time".

The dingy bowling alley had never seen so much business in its entire lifetime. The man behind the counter just gaped wordlessly at the throngs of people in strange outfits flooding in. The girl who usually looked half asleep at the snack bar was rushing around trying to fill all of their orders. There was hardly a vacant seat by the time the two stars came.

Drakken's shoulders fell as his stomach churned. He was pretty sure he was going to toss his cookies just at the thought of all these people watching. What a humiliating situation; there was no way he was going to win. Shego patted his back reassuringly.

"Don't worry 'bout this. It'll all blow over in a couple of weeks," she assured him, the man already pulling out their shoes in their sizes. She paid and took her pair, smirking, "Besides, it's just a game, right?"

"No, it's not just a game! This is the day that you, Shego of Whose Last Name I Do Not Know, wish you had never been born! Your defeat will be so absolute that your grandchildren's grandchildren will feel the shame and humiliation that you brought upon them! Your face shall forever be hidden beneath the paper bag veil of loserdom! Dr. Drakken will rise from the ashes of his previous failure like a glorious blue phoenix, sailing into the glorious dawn of a new era! I. Am. Your. Daddyyyy!" He pumped his fist up and down.

Shego stared for a minute before turning away, muttering something about an inferiority complex.

Someone had taken over the lights and music, the spotlights moving around and flashing different colors. Jackie Oaks, founder of the GWA, walked up a stepping ladder and began talking into a microphone.

"Weighing in at-" A green blast of plasma whizzed towards him, which he narrowly ducked out of the way of, "A _very_ petite size, is a bowler unlike any other, a raging bull with the face of an angel. She'll steal your heart, and your wallet too if you aren't careful. Give it up for the woman whom words can't describe; Shaaaake Aaaaand BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Metro Station's "Shake It" started playing, except for the lyrics were tweaked lightly so it said "shake, shake, shake, shake 'n bake it!" Everyone was doing the strange shaking and pulling out of the oven move. Drakken could only stare in confusion, having no idea how everyone knew about this "shake and bake" thing.

"Opposing ShakeNBake, with a stupidity that could easily be mistaken for determination, is a poor example of a man with absolutely no credibility. With a face only a mother could love and tiny little hands, the idiot who has no idea when he should just give up, I hear her callin' you in for supper MAAAAAAAMAAAAAA'S BOOOOOYYYYY!"

The audience burst out laughing and Drakken turned a deep shade of purple. Shego glared at Jackie for awhile before turning to him with a rare soft expression.

"It's not too late to call it off, fake stomach cramps or something."

"I am not going to sink so low! I came here to show everyone that I'm better than you and doggone it, I'm going to do just that!" Shego shrugged.

"Fine," she held out her hand, "Good luck?" He swatted her hand away.

"Don't need it. Though _you_ might." Shego rolled her eyes, dropping her arm back down to her side. So much for sportsmanship.

Drakken watched painfully as Shego, aided by cheers and talent, easily scored a split. He eased himself up, dragging his feet over to the rack and to his ball. Some laughed, while others just watched him with knowing smirks on their faces. The bowling alley suddenly got very, very warm. He picked up his ball and glanced at Shego. She gave him a small thumbs up and he resisted the urge to do it back to her. He forced himself to the line. He took a deep breath, let it out, and then swung his ball. It hit the ground with a loud "thud" and slowly began rolling. Drakken stared as the ball made a sluggish yet definite straight line down the lane. It picked up speed oddly at the end, knocking all of the pins down.

The building went silent. Drakken stared in utter astonishment. Did, did the laws of physics bend just for him? Was there something in the nachos that was causing him to hallucinate? How the heck…

"That's it. No more rolls after a strike," Shego said bluntly, now standing beside him with her own ball. If she was shocked about the stroke of luck, she didn't show it.

It became very strange. Shego was obviously trying, scoring a spare or a strike every once in awhile. He couldn't accuse her of throwing the game. But Drakken's ball continued to follow the same straight line pattern, giving him strike after strike effortlessly. The crowd was stunned and, some time halfway through the game, they switched sides and started cheering on _Drakken_. Drakken thought that was a bit unfair; poor Shego. She seemed pretty stoic about the situation, especially for her. There was only insult to injury when the game was over; Drakken had managed a perfect game, beating Shego by at least 50 points. Somewhere between the being lifted onto the crowd's shoulders and a couple of verses of "We Are the Champions", Drakken noticed that his sidekick was nowhere to be found.

Fifteen minutes later, he managed to escape, going out into the parking lot. Shego had opened a magazine, her feet propped up on the steering wheel. She glanced up as he opened the passenger's door.

"Get a nice ego boost?" She asked, taking her feet down.

"If you want to see it that way, yes," he slid onto the seat, "I, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For embarrassing you in front of everyone. I didn't mean for it to happen, I just wanted to win," Shego laughed softly.

"I know and I'm fine, really. Your self-esteem needs it more than mine. I don't want to get my fifteen minutes of fame from a bowling match," she grinned, "Besides, I wanted to show you how to properly work the magnet scheme."

Drakken's jaw dropped. Out of all the possibilities, he didn't fathom Shego actually helping him out.

"You…you…_cheated_?" Shego shrugged.

"I guess. Oh well, it's done and over with; you won," she started the car. Drakken shook his head.

"Oh no, you don't. You can't cheat for me. I have to do it myself or win. Rematch!"

Oh for the love of 50% off sales, couldn't he just drop it? She should've never told him. Clones were starting to sound appealing; send one off to go bowling with him for the next twenty years until he finally got a cheating plan that worked.

**End**


End file.
